I found myself slightly saddened last night. There was a sense of gloom and perhaps even a tinge of "mid life crisis" mixed in there.
Yes, I know I am not in my mid-life. Not at all.
But it is the same sense of not having achieved everything that I'd wanted to and perhaps being unable to do it all that overwhelmed me.
In any case, it made me sad in ways that I could not express, and made me want to listen to "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" on repeat, just to lull me to sleep.
Maybe it will blow over.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Just got back from an incredibly enlightening and heart warming night out with I & ML.
I didn't want it to end!
It's been a while since I've written in this blog, but I guess this was a long time coming?
It felt good to talk, it felt good to listen, it felt good to laugh and cry and to hear truths.
It felt good to feel.
We confirmed what we knew about K - he was homosexual. I & myself were children when K passed away. We had suspicions that he was gay, and that his prolonged death had to do with homosexuality, but we only confirmed it tonight. It felt good to know the truth.
It was also depressing to know how alone he must have felt, to be unable to explain himself and fight for the dignity and rights that he should have been able to receive from his own family.
I remember visiting K when he was living with E. I`d go with my mother when I was young, on weekends. I didn`t have much to say to him, it was scary how pudgy he was when he was well, and how skeletal he looked before he passed away.
I remember one bbq party where ML was jeering me on to try this super-spicy satay sauce. I was five. She reasoned that since I *loved* peanut butter, I'd love the sauce. "It's just like peanut butter!" She exclaimed, while K persuaded me not to - "it doesn't taste good! It's spicy!" They both slapped their knees and laughed when I tried some spicy sauce.
I admit, I'd probably do the same thing if I witnessed it today.
ML revealed some things about Ks personality that made me chuckle and smile. How he may have very well likely agreed to convert to Christianity right before he died just to get the priest off his back, how he was a great guy, how he just wanted to live a normal life.
There are things that people take for granted today that K was not allowed to do back then. In many places of the world, many people are still denied rights that they deserve...
It would have been amazing to see K alive today - I miss having him in my life, even though I barely knew him. I do remember him having sad eyes, and feeling ostracized from those around him.
...
I can't stop thinking about how alone he must have felt.
"I" reminded me of how valuable a person MM is. How, in her infinite randomness, she always makes people think positively and feel good, if only in the long run and if only to her liking. It made me want to go to her house and hug her right then and thank her for being in my life.
I can't imagine how K lived with such a big secret and burden on his shoulders, that he could never show the world who he really was and what he really was, that the people around him would never truly accept him.
This is really a disjointed post.
Although I'm really sad, I feel really moved by the night. It made me feel closer to ML and I. I really love them. It felt good to connect tonight.
I didn't want it to end!
It's been a while since I've written in this blog, but I guess this was a long time coming?
It felt good to talk, it felt good to listen, it felt good to laugh and cry and to hear truths.
It felt good to feel.
We confirmed what we knew about K - he was homosexual. I & myself were children when K passed away. We had suspicions that he was gay, and that his prolonged death had to do with homosexuality, but we only confirmed it tonight. It felt good to know the truth.
It was also depressing to know how alone he must have felt, to be unable to explain himself and fight for the dignity and rights that he should have been able to receive from his own family.
I remember visiting K when he was living with E. I`d go with my mother when I was young, on weekends. I didn`t have much to say to him, it was scary how pudgy he was when he was well, and how skeletal he looked before he passed away.
I remember one bbq party where ML was jeering me on to try this super-spicy satay sauce. I was five. She reasoned that since I *loved* peanut butter, I'd love the sauce. "It's just like peanut butter!" She exclaimed, while K persuaded me not to - "it doesn't taste good! It's spicy!" They both slapped their knees and laughed when I tried some spicy sauce.
I admit, I'd probably do the same thing if I witnessed it today.
ML revealed some things about Ks personality that made me chuckle and smile. How he may have very well likely agreed to convert to Christianity right before he died just to get the priest off his back, how he was a great guy, how he just wanted to live a normal life.
There are things that people take for granted today that K was not allowed to do back then. In many places of the world, many people are still denied rights that they deserve...
It would have been amazing to see K alive today - I miss having him in my life, even though I barely knew him. I do remember him having sad eyes, and feeling ostracized from those around him.
...
I can't stop thinking about how alone he must have felt.
"I" reminded me of how valuable a person MM is. How, in her infinite randomness, she always makes people think positively and feel good, if only in the long run and if only to her liking. It made me want to go to her house and hug her right then and thank her for being in my life.
I can't imagine how K lived with such a big secret and burden on his shoulders, that he could never show the world who he really was and what he really was, that the people around him would never truly accept him.
This is really a disjointed post.
Although I'm really sad, I feel really moved by the night. It made me feel closer to ML and I. I really love them. It felt good to connect tonight.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I'm a Weiner!
Just got my $25 Chapters Gift Card from Divine.ca: photo here
The question is, what do I use it on?
Knitting patterns? Sewing patterns? Cookbooks?
Or do I go for Chef Jeff Hendersons' autobiography, Cooked?
Who is Chef Jeff, you say? Well perhaps Americans are more well versed in his history, but for Canadians, the first episode of the "Chef Jeff Project" was broadcasted only yesterday.
The series details Chef Jeff taking in six at-risk youth, coaching, teaching and grooming them into cooks and culinary students. If they stick it out through the course of the season, they are each awarded a two-year scholarship for culinary school.
The first episode left me wanting more; let see if the rest of the season is as promising.
As for Chef Jeffs' autobiography, the first couple pages on Amazons' preview served as a great teaser. Maybe I'll stop by Chapters on my way home to see if they have it in stock.
The question is, what do I use it on?
Knitting patterns? Sewing patterns? Cookbooks?
Or do I go for Chef Jeff Hendersons' autobiography, Cooked?
Who is Chef Jeff, you say? Well perhaps Americans are more well versed in his history, but for Canadians, the first episode of the "Chef Jeff Project" was broadcasted only yesterday.
The series details Chef Jeff taking in six at-risk youth, coaching, teaching and grooming them into cooks and culinary students. If they stick it out through the course of the season, they are each awarded a two-year scholarship for culinary school.
The first episode left me wanting more; let see if the rest of the season is as promising.
As for Chef Jeffs' autobiography, the first couple pages on Amazons' preview served as a great teaser. Maybe I'll stop by Chapters on my way home to see if they have it in stock.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Got back from the Medical Clinic
....because I needed a prescription refill. Man, that place was busier than the Gospel Church on a Sunday!
*cue people dancing in the clinic and chanting "Hallelujah!!"*
*Hallelujah, I got my pill refill and now I can haz SEX!*
haha!
M thinks we should co-write sitcoms together.
No? Well fine, don't be hatin' our glorious love for each other! :p
Have a sunny Sunday.
*cue people dancing in the clinic and chanting "Hallelujah!!"*
*Hallelujah, I got my pill refill and now I can haz SEX!*
haha!
M thinks we should co-write sitcoms together.
No? Well fine, don't be hatin' our glorious love for each other! :p
Have a sunny Sunday.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
29 Things I'm going to do while I'm 29...already completed one!
As I mentioned before, I'm taking on the task of constructing a list and "scrapbook" (of sorts!) of things I want to do when I'm 29.
In no particular order:
1) I will spend more time with family and friends. I cannot say this enough - I really miss my family. I really miss my friends. Because of time constraints, personal issues, and dissent amongst some friends, we've spent less time together. I want to see them again and have them part of my life.
2) I will go to more live concerts and events. I have two planned already!!! Can't wait!!!
3) I will take better care of myself. This will have to be a combination of eating better, getting enough sleep, and getting regular exercise.
4) I will cook more and blog about it here! I've really enjoyed cooking and posting about it on the food blog, and I plan to make it a regular thing.
5) I will actively promote the food blog. I have monetized the site, and am literally making dimes (hey, you have to start somewhere!). I have printed out business cards and have handed out several to people I know.
6) I will make a snow angel! I take myself too seriously sometimes. I need to relax and find my inner kid again. Where did the little brat go?
7) I will create more. Whether this is scrapbooking, photography, knitting, crocheting - I want to create more!
8) I will grow my own food. I have a couple small seedlings started. Mostly herbs, but I have seeds and plans for broccoli, two types of carrots, and possibly some potatoes, sunflowers, and beans. Looking forwards to it!
9) I will get engaged! Yes, you heard me right. We'll finally be engaged this year, if my plans go right. That's all I'll say for now.
10) I will make money off my food blog. Already am. :)
11) I will start an etsy seller account and sell small items.
12) I will organize the second bedroom! We've been in a rut since moving in. Currently, the second bedroom is a storeroom of sorts. I want to have the space usable, and comfortable to be in.
13) I will travel. Doesn't have to be far. I just want to add some "places I've been" to my list.
14) I will take more, and better photographs. I *heart* my new camera. Although its just a cheapie point and shoot, I really want to improve my photography skills. My flickr account may be found here.
15) I will start researching wedding ideas... tee hee - doesn't hurt to plan ahead right?
16) I will have 1 date night a month. With M of course. haha!!!
17) I will phase fast food out of my diet. It's gotten bad. On the way home, I pass several fast food chains and I tell myself that "I'll only have it today. No more for a week." . . .several times a month. It's not good and I have to stop it.
18) I will institute a "meatless day" once a month. Again, have to start small. Maybe I"ll find a good recipe or two after all of that. ...and I"ll start small. We'd still be able to have eggs and cheese, just no meat. for now.
19) I will find and implement ways of being green! I know...this kind of ties in to many of the other items on this list - eating less meat, growing food...but it envelopes much more. I have visions of worm composting...
20) I will make money aside from the full time job. With the economy floundering as it is, and cuts at work, I want to find ways of making extra cash.
21) I will freecycle. We need to get rid of junk! . . .of course, the way I've set it out, I could always get other stuff too... muhahaah!
22) I will save money.
23) I will learn something new. Or re-learn something.
24) I will stretch!
25) I will finish projects.
26) I will invest in a new computer. It's about time.
27) I will wash my car more often.
28) I will clean out the cupboards / freezer / pantry.
29) I will enjoy being 29!
In no particular order:
1) I will spend more time with family and friends. I cannot say this enough - I really miss my family. I really miss my friends. Because of time constraints, personal issues, and dissent amongst some friends, we've spent less time together. I want to see them again and have them part of my life.
2) I will go to more live concerts and events. I have two planned already!!! Can't wait!!!
3) I will take better care of myself. This will have to be a combination of eating better, getting enough sleep, and getting regular exercise.
4) I will cook more and blog about it here! I've really enjoyed cooking and posting about it on the food blog, and I plan to make it a regular thing.
5) I will actively promote the food blog. I have monetized the site, and am literally making dimes (hey, you have to start somewhere!). I have printed out business cards and have handed out several to people I know.
6) I will make a snow angel! I take myself too seriously sometimes. I need to relax and find my inner kid again. Where did the little brat go?
7) I will create more. Whether this is scrapbooking, photography, knitting, crocheting - I want to create more!
8) I will grow my own food. I have a couple small seedlings started. Mostly herbs, but I have seeds and plans for broccoli, two types of carrots, and possibly some potatoes, sunflowers, and beans. Looking forwards to it!
9) I will get engaged! Yes, you heard me right. We'll finally be engaged this year, if my plans go right. That's all I'll say for now.
10) I will make money off my food blog. Already am. :)
11) I will start an etsy seller account and sell small items.
12) I will organize the second bedroom! We've been in a rut since moving in. Currently, the second bedroom is a storeroom of sorts. I want to have the space usable, and comfortable to be in.
13) I will travel. Doesn't have to be far. I just want to add some "places I've been" to my list.
14) I will take more, and better photographs. I *heart* my new camera. Although its just a cheapie point and shoot, I really want to improve my photography skills. My flickr account may be found here.
15) I will start researching wedding ideas... tee hee - doesn't hurt to plan ahead right?
16) I will have 1 date night a month. With M of course. haha!!!
17) I will phase fast food out of my diet. It's gotten bad. On the way home, I pass several fast food chains and I tell myself that "I'll only have it today. No more for a week." . . .several times a month. It's not good and I have to stop it.
18) I will institute a "meatless day" once a month. Again, have to start small. Maybe I"ll find a good recipe or two after all of that. ...and I"ll start small. We'd still be able to have eggs and cheese, just no meat. for now.
19) I will find and implement ways of being green! I know...this kind of ties in to many of the other items on this list - eating less meat, growing food...but it envelopes much more. I have visions of worm composting...
20) I will make money aside from the full time job. With the economy floundering as it is, and cuts at work, I want to find ways of making extra cash.
21) I will freecycle. We need to get rid of junk! . . .of course, the way I've set it out, I could always get other stuff too... muhahaah!
22) I will save money.
23) I will learn something new. Or re-learn something.
24) I will stretch!
25) I will finish projects.
26) I will invest in a new computer. It's about time.
27) I will wash my car more often.
28) I will clean out the cupboards / freezer / pantry.
29) I will enjoy being 29!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Completely random. But Photolicious.
Had a good weekend. Slept in a lot (I can now say that I have slept past noon as an adult)! Played a *lot* of Half-Life2. Sorted and cleaned and went through some things.
I like it when M sleeps in on the weekends and I have the place "to myself". I feel like I'm a little kid again, and I get to work on little projects and recipes and things that I wouldn't have the dedication or serenity to work on when he is awake. It's kind of like when my mother was out of the house, or busy with housework when I was little. :)
And thus, I worked on sorting through one of those "bargain bags" of one pound buttons. Yes, one pound. :p
I bought them with the goal of using them for doll / amigurumi eyes or other craft embellishments. After sorting them, I can see some potential, and them surprised me by actually having some matching / useful buttons for clothes or such, even!
I decided to string them through thread and utilize some old Christmas cards to keep them organized.
Here's a funny photo of M, taken this weekend. We dropped by a vintage / antique store across the parking lot from the new Walmart Supercenter on Grandview Highway. The place has some old movie / tv show set props, and one of them were these cartoon-y barbells:
I was laughing pretty hard, so it was difficult to get a clear shot, even though I snapped about 10 photos. :)
And in other news, it snowed yesterday afternoon and into today. It has been crazy crazy weather for Vancouver folks! I believe the only other time that it is snowed close to my birthday was probably 20 years ago. Of course, that, coupled with the fact that we had completely forgot about daylight savings time, I was late for work. Good thing bossman is cool about it though! :)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Ooooh, Crafty!
Elisha has a great idea about reflecting about her years accomplishments. I love it and hope to do it, after all, someone has a birthday coming up!
What would I put in mine? . . . I'll reflect on that for a couple days.
What would I put in mine? . . . I'll reflect on that for a couple days.
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